Hearing, “Hoodie One,” makes one want to haul on their hoodie’s to protect their ears from the repulsive vibrations coming out of the speakers that emit the song.
Apart of the new album, “New Glow,” “Hoodie On,” is a three-minute catastrophe with lyrics that sound like they come from a mouth of a guy who is hopelessly trying to catch up on the trend of norm-core.
I mean, read this lyric (Which are slightly above “Wiggle” for worst lyrics in pop): “I wrote this song with a hoodie on/ I woke up like this put a hoodie on… Been ‘round the world 10 times with a hoodie on.” Obviously, Matt and Kim are trying to impress someone. “Who?” is the question. Also, the lyrics go nowhere, for example: “I just shut down the club with some subs and a drum set/ Yeah god damn that might be our best yet/Hang round town I’m here I’m gone.” The lyrics have no relation to each other at all.
In the music video, however, they seem to be impressed with its three-part-rhyme: “I just shut down the club with some subs and a drum (I’m guessing, since it is pop) set.”
If you want a good three-part-rhyme, Matt and Kim, here’s one by Stephen Sondheim: “It’s an herb that’s superb for disturbances at sea.”- Chrysanthemum Tea (Pacific Overtures.)
The melody to accompany the nonsensical lyrics is a cringe worthy pile of slop. They pretty much repeat the same tired chorus and verse without any change except for the lyrics. After you hear the “Looking like a king” chorus over two times, you feel the urge to get up and punch the screen of the device. (But for many of us, we would regret doing that for such a horrific song, so we would probably punch the exit button instead.)
The backing track sounds like the random noises that you can get when pressing random buttons and keys on a keyboard. A bit of dynamic tracks could’ve pushed this song up slightly out of the slimy muck that it is in.
Oh, and the voices are fine for those of you who want to know how “Call Me Maybe,” sung by Siri mimicking Lucille Ball’s singing would sound like.
Now you may think that I’m too harsh on a song that doesn’t take itself seriously, but here’s the thing; I wouldn’t despise this song so much, had it been funny. If it was funny, I would see its established role to make people laugh at how bad it is, but it simply isn’t funny, so no excuses there.
An unfortunate case where a song intentionally tried to be bad, and get laughs from that, but tipped over to “just bad,” because the laughs didn’t come.
Avoid this song, but here’s the link to the video, so you can feel the agony that I felt whilst listening to this song. But, if you want a good song from this album, listen to “Hey Now,” instead.
Buy “New Glow”: