MEDIOCRE: Annie (2014) – When the Yester was Superior

Last year, we had the modern remake of the movie companion for the broadway musical, Annie. Other websites haven’t given the best reviews, but Tyus is here to have the final say…

Whoever thought that it would be a good idea to give the vintage Model T musical called “Annie,” a makeover by dunking it into a pool of obnoxious hip-hop, is blessed with the talent of creating the “bad-but-entertaining.”

After watching the dreadful trailer of the new, “Annie,” I instantly thought that this world was coming to an end. I actually wanted someone to tell me that it was just a dream, or the trailer that I was watching was some sort of crazy parody… But it was real…

I was so convinced that it would be worse than, “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” that I stayed away from the piece for a long time. But. Things happen… I found myself watching, and actually being entertained by the Hallmark Card of a film called, “Annie.”

Yes, I was entertained. I mean, the film was a piece of trash in itself. From the cheesy dialogue to the cringe-worthy way that they started each musical number, it was all a face-palm. Oh, and those songs… They hit an all-time low when Jamie Foxx started to crow the atrocious, “The City is Yours.”

However, about the film was charmingly entertaining. It shamelessly poured its cheap cheese fondue all over you (which you know is bad for you) but you lick it up, because of how irresistible it is. I guess a right way to label this film, would be, “A guilty pleasure.” It’s something that you hate, but you love.

So, this guilty pleasure starts off with a whole lotta exposition served to you on a sophomoric “Chuck E. Cheese” pizza plate. We learn about Annie’s (Quvenzhané Wallis) parents, and her longing to meet them. We meet her fellow foster kids, and their mean ol’ Hannigan (Cameron Diaz.) Actually, Hannigan isn’t mean in this at all, compared to the portrayal in the superior original. All she really does here, is spray the kids with Fa-breeze (yes, really. Yup. I checked) and tell them to clean. This made, “It’s a Hard Knock Life,” useless. Well, the richest man in the world, who is struggling with the coming-up election for mayor of New York, and with spitting problems, decides to make Annie a part of his campaign after a short little encounter with her. No, he’s not Daddy Warbucks, his name is Will Stacks, played by Jamie Foxx. They spend time together, and Stacks starts to hold sentimental feeling towards her. And, along the way (let’s just say) things happen.

This film does not stand up to the original. How could it? But, it’s powered with enough cans of energy drink and bubble-gum, that it can keep a two-hour running machine going. It’s not a movie that’ll be admired for centuries to come, (perhaps it’ll be the next “Xanadu” or “Can’t Stop the Music) but it’s just the type of no-brain movie that you want when you’re tired… Kind of like “Pitch Perfect”… It’s plain fluff and fun. See it once, and it’s enough.

It don’t mean a thing, if it ain’t got that swing,” they say. And “Annie,” doesn’t mean a thing to the history of film, but has a bit of swing.

-TJ

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