FLAK: 11 Reasons Why The Star Wars Prequels Are Bad

I’m a bit of a nerd. I used to be worse than I am now. The kind who becomes an electronic, monotonous sounding vampire after they sat in a room for forty two hours because they got so far into a video game they forgot what reality was.

In the nerd universe, there’s one war (or fight between two weak but obnoxious people-they talk but don’t do): Star Wars vs. Star Trek. I’m on the fence but slightly leaning towards Star Wars in that war/pity fight.

So when the trailer for the new Star Wars film came out, I kind of had a nerdgasm.
I’m scared that it’s going to be a disappointment. The kind of thing where most people have either left the theatre or started crying a quarter of the way through. A bit like what I imagine the prequels were like.

I wasn’t alive/brain alive when the prequels came out, and I was about 8 when I first watched them, and I loved them. I guess the perfect age to watch the prequels and like them is under 12 and a half years old, because I watched them recently, and oh boy, they’re bad.

So these are ten things that make the prequels bad in no particular order.

The characters

The characters have no depth. You need to give characters emotion to make a good film. They did the complete opposite. I mean, it’s a bit difficult when George Lucas wrote the script, who was the guy who wrote an entire twenty minute conversation around sand, and who was told by Harrison Ford that “you can write this sh*t, but you can’t make me say it.” However, the actors could have changed the line and given their characters more emotion themselves.

Jar Jar Binks

Just Jar Jar Binks alone makes it 10 times worse. He’s comedic relief gone wrong, and his character makes no sense. He becomes a general because he bumped into a Jedi after he wasn’t looking where he was going. On top of that, he’s supposed to be funny, but he’s not. You could have removed him from the script alone and it wouldn’t change it one bit.

Anakin and Padme’s romance

The romance between Anakin and Padme, especially in the first film is plain weird. It’s a 7 year old and a 14 year old falling in love after Anakin used the pick up line “are you an angel?” IF THAT’S HOW EASY IT IS TO GET A GIRL, EVERY PERSON WHO EVER WATCHED THIS MOVIE WOULD HAVE 16 GIRLFRIENDS AT ONCE!

Anakin’s age

While on the topic of Anakin, he is too young anyway. If he wasn’t so young, it would be so much easier to take the movie more seriously, but the bad acting and some of the lines that he says makes it so bad.

Green screen execution and VFX

Poorly done green screen and everything being VFX. The original trilogy was so good because everything was real, but the prequels ruin that charm. Everything’s super bright, and super clean. On top of that, George Lucas was actually PROUD that none of the droids and such were never made in the second film onwards. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

R2-D2 flying

R2-D2 CAN FLY?! SINCE WHEN?!

The excess of lightsaber fights

There’s way too many lightsaber fights. The thing that made the lightsabers so good in the original trilogy is that they were only used sparingly. But the prequels ruin that concept.

Lack of a protagonist

You need a strong main character to get a good story. Instead, they made it incredibly unclear who the main character is supposed to be. Obi Wan is an idiot who does nothing but duel with his lightsaber, and Anakin goes through a very quick and uninteresting turn to the dark side, which makes him less interesting than plain rice. Plus, none of the characters are relatable in any way whatsoever, which makes it so hard to pick out a protagonist.

Poorly implemented references

The way they implement references from the original trilogy is piss poor. They unnecessarily drop in references like a pile of bricks. It’s just so awful.

George Lucas being there

George Lucas having ANY creative control. He’s a great concept man, but awful at writing scripts. He only keeps any investment in the Star Wars franchise because he makes so much money off the toys that he so proudly marketed. It feels like he made the prequels not for the sake of the people, but for the sake of his own greed. And that’s the biggest d*ck move.

They don’t feel like Star Wars films

The biggest problem for me is that the last two prequels don’t feel like Star Wars films. It just feels like they’re in a completely different universe. It feels like George Lucas forgot about all the nerds in the audience who have analyzed the original trilogy to death and just created three super long toy commercials.

And that’s ten reasons why the prequels are so bad.

-KT

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