FLAK: Minions Review 

Wobbling into view, the hilarious and adorable little Minions are back, as dreadful, unfunny, and hellishly annoying as ever, in their own film, “Minions.” This painful, caffeine-run, machine follows last year’s superior “Despicable Me 2,” which was, I admit, hilarious. 

“Minions,” starts off with a brief history of how the Minions came about to the Earth, (but seeing how they did in this film, I wish that they stayed underwater) and explains that Minions were made to serve the strongest villain, as henchmen. Over the years, however, they find that they lose every boss they serve in some kind of an accident. After their last boss dies, the Minions weep, deciding to create their own civilization, so they don’t have to go through mourning the loss of another boss ever again. But, the Minions get depressed that they don’t have a boss, as time passes, and start longing for someone to serve. So, brave Kevin speaks out a plan to the Minions; get out of the cave, in which their depressed civilization lays, and go find another boss to serve. Stuart, and Bob accompany him, and go out on a quest to find and eventually serve Scarlet Overkill, the strongest Supervillainess in the world. 

Now, the biggest problem with, “Minions” is that there are rarely any funny moments. (I laughed approximately four times.) Each Minion plays out the same tired routine, with a bunch of slapstick mixed with high-pitched voices screeching “Banana.” You never really get a break from the critters, and after five minutes of sitting through Minions desperately begging for laughs, I felt every second go by. 

You see, what I loved about the Minions in “Despicable Me” one and two, is that they offered refreshing, stupidly hilarious slapstick comedy. After all of the witty jokes that humans made, it was nice to see one or two minutes of Minions goofing off. Yes, a couple of minutes is just right, but not for an entire film. 

None of the film felt new, and the shoe-horned jokes were a dreary bore in the tired, un-suspenseful plot. I cried, in my head, for Gru (The main character in the previous “Despicable Me” movies) because the new characters, such as Scarlet Overkill and Herb came off as lackluster wannabes of his character. The two lacked character development, and explanation, as to why they wanted henchmen. (The two have incredible weaponry, so why do they need the Minions to do their task? The Minions just make things worse.)

Charlie Chaplin could be funny, without speaking a word, and could even play the main character, well. The Minions, however, were unfunny even though they tried follow in the footsteps of Chaplin, and spoke gibberish. 

So, disappointingly, “Minions” failed to be a film that could stand next to the two “Deapicable Me” films. But it succeeded in its goal; take the money from the families who adored the little yellow Minions. If you’re looking for a good film to watch with the family this summer, avoid “Minions” like the plague. Go watch “Inside Out”, which is a far superior film that is for both adults and children. 

– TJ

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