FLAK: Please Stop, Kids– Kidz Bop 29 Album Review 

 

 Today, I was scrolling through ITunes, casually, and came across “Kidz Bop 29.” This album is the latest one of the horrific Kidz Bop. (For those of you unfamiliar with it, it’s this thing where kids sing pop hits. Yes, it’s real.) Honestly, I didn’t even know Kidz Bop still existed; I thought people hated it, ’cause it was just so awful, causing it to stop. They still do, however, exist, and I really don’t understand why. I don’t get the appeal. Why buy an album of kids “singing” (more like ruining) songs, when you can buy the better version by the real artist. But, because they still get people buying their stuff, I feel as if I must give Kidz Bop some Flak, for the new “Kidz Bop 29.” 

The album opens up with “Sugar” by the Maroon 5’s. Now I can’t lie; the singers on the album aren’t bad. They’re actually kind of okay. But the thing is, Kidz Bop doesn’t let just one person to sing the song verses. A bunch of different voices started singing, and it started to feel like a showcase of “Ohhhhhh. That boy can sing. See, he’s a kid. Did you hear me? A KID. AAAA KIIIIDDDDD.” Emphasizing that each person is a kid that can sing. Yes , I understand that the kid can sing, so how about just one person sings the verse? But, what I found to be the worst thing in this song, was that it ended with two people chuckling. This grated me, because it was; A. Cringe-worthy and B. An attempt to make you forgive any blunders the kids might of made in the song, and remind you “They’re just adorable children.” 

The same goes for “Style”, though it doesn’t end with chuckling people.

The most intolerable songs on this album were, however, “Time of Our Lives” and “GDFR.” This is because the first song had godawful vocals, and the second had kids rapping. Uh-huh. It was so laughable, yet I felt genuinely sorry for those people sillily rapping. 

Oh, and how could I forget the insufferable “Shut Up and Dance.”  …….. And “Dear Future Husband.” …………. And “See You Again.” ……… And oh, every song on this whole album. 

After a few songs, all the voices start to sound the same, and the tired thing called “Kidz Bop” sinks even further into lava. I don’t know how people can sit through this album, and how Kidz Bop makes money. And though I listed many of Kidz Bop faults in this review, the biggest fault is how Kidz Bop whitewashes every song, that may have any remotely inappropriate lyrics in them. It ruins the real song. They changed “show me good loving” in Sugar to “show me good dancing.” It made the lyrics for that part sound so clunky, and awkward. Why can’t Kidz Bop just sing appropriate songs? 

Wait. No. Actually, the biggest fault in Kidz Bop is its existence. 

-TJ

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